Official Amistad Definitions
Amistad = Person of color, black.
Jungle-Amistad = Amistad with an alphabet soup name and speaks very little English. There are different types of this Amistad.
Amistad who at one time lived in the trees. Used to fighting off tigers and gorillas
These Amistads make a clicking type sound when they speak. The ADC has sampled this sound so you will know
when you come in contact with the Tree-Amistad.
Bush-Amistad = Amistad who used to live in
Australia who hunts dingo's with a boomerang. The ADC has sampled
their mating call.
Island-Amistad = Amistad with dreadlocks and sandals. Coined the term "Hey mon!" Here is a sample of their speech.
Sand-Amistad = Amistad from some Abu-Dhabi land. Not really an Amistad, but can be classified as one in a pinch.
Welfare-Amistad = Amistad who lives off of the government cheese. There are different types of this Amistad.
Breeder-Amistad = Amistad who's only purpose in life is to breed more Amistads.
Dumpster-Amistad = Amistad with no address. But still manages to get a check.
Grocery Cart-Amistad = Amistad who has
acquired a grocery cart from their local retailer for purposes of collecting
items that may be of value.
Pallet-Amistad = This Amistad can been seen
often in industrial areas of your town in a "Sanford and Son" type
pick-up truck collecting wooden pallets for reasons unknown. The ADC has reason to believe the Pallet-Amistad
is using the pallets collected for shelter. The ADC is still searching for the rumored "Pallet-Amistad Community".
Aluminum-Amistad = Amistad who can be seen
on the side of our country's highways collecting items made of
the valuable commodity, aluminum. They can sometimes be seen with other white trash counterparts fighting
over this valuable metal.
Gangster-Amistad = Amistads with silly
looking cars with wheels sticking out the sides. The transports for these Amistads
are known to be excessively covered in chrome or gold. This Amistad is attracted to shiny objects. They also use some
sort of tree device to hang from the mirror so the transport does not smell. Can be seen operating their transport from
the back seat. Very tricky. Use extreme caution when approaching this Amistad, they are known to carry firearms.
If you hear this sound, a Gangster-Amistad could be nearby.
Prison-Amistad = Amistad who is still alive after being defined as "Gangster-Amistad."
Pimp-Amistad = Amistad who owns others and sells their body for a profit.
Blue Gum-Amistad = This Amistad resides in
the backwoods or swamp area of the south. Known for being
able to make a yummy dish out of any wildlife available.
Painted-Amistad = Amistad who is sometimes
referred to by his other Amistad brothers as "Whitey" or a "Sellout"
for moving into what is referred to as a "white community" and keeping a job.
Token-Amistad = Amistad who is hired by a company not for his skills, but his for his color.
Jemima-Amistad = Amistad female who insists
on shopping during normal business hours wearing a brightly
colored house coat, bathroom slippers, and curlers in her hair. Grocery store proprietors are especially
offended by this Amistad as they do not promote the sale of groceries but the quick exit from the store.
They are also known for passing "wet money". Wet money is the kind of damp paper money that was
recently pulled from a stocking, bra, or other unimaginable place.
Brand Name-Amistad = This type of Amistad
will commit any type of act in order to obtain brand name
merchandise. This Amistad typically wears Tommy Hillfiger jeans using the label on the rear as a belt-loop
and Air Jordan Nike shoes. This Amistad is most compatible with Gangster-Amistad and Welfare-Amistad
because brand name apparel is expensive and there are only so many Token-Amistad jobs available. This Amistad
will go as far as murder to obtain the correct sportswear. This Amistad is easily recognized from other Amistads
because they refuse to remove the price tag from anything they own.
Wino-Amistad = This is yet another easily
recognizable Amistad. This is an Amistad who insists on drinking their
breakfast, lunch, and dinner from a paper bag. This particular Amistad can be accredited for keeping large corporations
in business. Some of these large businesses would be the makers of Wild Irish Rose, Night Train, Cisco, Boons Farm,
and Thunderbird wine. Others would include the makers of Colt 45, Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull, and Black Label.
Bag Head-Amistad = Amistad who will wear
some sort of plastic bag over a freshly styled afro. Very popular in the
1970's but still can be seen today. The exact reason for this bag is not quite understood by the ADC, but we believe
it helps to keep bus windows clean when they are leaned upon.
Klepto-Amistad = This could be classified
as a Gangster-Amistad in training. This Amistad is typically in and out of
reform schools until the age of 18 at which point they graduate to the Gangster-Amistad classification. This Amistad
has a natural tendency, instinct if you will, to steal anything that is not bolted to the ground. Ever wonder why
newspaper machines are chained to telephone poles? This Klepto-Amistad will steal the machine, spend hours
smashing it open, just for the prize inside; $2.00
Froboggon-Amistad = Amistad who insists on
wearing a "Froboggon" even when the weather reaches 110 degrees
in hopes of waking up with a nice new wave on his head.
Wreckless-Amistad = Any Amistad behind the
wheel of an automobile. Amistads of any kind do not exhibit the ability
to properly operate a motor vehicle, this is why the NHRA is virtually Amistad free. Amistads feel they paid good money
for fuel and will get every mile for every penny. This is why the Gangster-Amistad never travels at speeds higher than
12 mph unless he is being pursued by law enforcement.
Amastiglet = Amistad under the age of 12.
Shoeshine-Amistad = This Amistad can be
found in any airport in North America. He will kindly shine your shoes
while you wait on your flight to depart in hopes of one day being able to afford a flight back to his mother land.
Catfish-Amistad = Amistad who relaxes daily
next to a creek, under a bridge with a cane pole and a Colt 45. This Amistad
longs for the taste he is addicted too. The creek catfish.
Athlete-Amistad = Amistad with rocks in his head and springs in his feet. Usually worth $10 million+, but still can't read.
Restroom-Amistad = This Amistad resides in
restrooms in most night clubs around the country. He will sell you a squirt
of watered down cologne for $5 and hand you a breath mint he stole from the local Pizza Hut. This Amistad will hand
you a towel after you wash your hands, hoping for a tip. Sometimes this Amistad will try to make conversation with you,
it may sound something like this. The ADC is currently working on a translation.
Amistad Of The Month
New Amistad definitions can be submitted here for ADC approval.
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